I think of a relationship the same way as I think of a flower. How can you “create” a flower? A flower “happens” when you remove the restrictions that prevent it from “happening”. The presupposition is that the flower “wants” to grow and you can only facilitate the conditions for it to grow, all by itself, by removing the hindrances.
You don’t “build” a relationship by using a hammer and nails, but by planting a seed and creating the conditions for that seed to emerge on its own.
The same goes for love.
Yes, I agree, you could labor a relationship using superficial appearances and acting as to make-believe. But this would be superficial. Superficial is also insubstantial, and a relationship that’s not based on substance is not a real relationship.
Have you ever tried to “make” someone produce a particular change? How did that go?
Does the physician “guarantee” that you will become healthy, after your visit? Does the teacher “know for a fact” that you will be a smart person after graduating?
What are they actually selling, for what are we paying them?
Much has been said about “setting goals”, but little was emphasized about the danger of the Toxic Goals. How to prevent this from happening?
1. Instead of “what do I want to get”, think in terms of “what do I want to create” – it will put you into a more useful frame of mind.
2. Pay attention to the Feeling you have when contemplating that goal. Anything less than total congruency might reveal a toxic goal.
3. Put that thought “on the back of your mind” – allow your Unconscious Mind to guide your steps. . When you put a seed in the ground, it’s obviously foolish to uncover it time to time, just to check out if it sprouted yet.
4. When you are “doing the doing” be Present in the Now. Concern yourself only with the activity you are doing in that particular moment.
5. Take time off for Evaluating how you are doing – Evaluating and Doing are Not to be done in the same time.