How I Feel is none of my business



As human beings, we furiously want to Feel Good.

So – when we label a feeling as “Not Good” – we go the extra length to “put it off” or to “get rid of it”. We treat those so-called “Not Good” feelings as a Mistake that the Nature forgot to correct (so now We do it in her place).

But what if All Feelings (“good” or “bad”, however you want to call them) have a different and more important purpose?





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Be Authentic, Be your True Self

Being Authentic. What does it mean to you? How do you know that you are Authentic? Can you explain it without getting lost in too many New Age concepts, already too vague and ambiguous themselves?

Perhaps it cannot be defined, just as “the Dao that can be told is not the true Dao”.

Perhaps the best way to talk about Authenticity is by pointing out what it is Not.

What’s your Main intention?

We enter every interaction with (at least) two motivations; one is Primary and one is Secondary. My Primary focus will determine the dynamic of that interaction and it will either hinder or facilitate the achievement of the Secondary intention. In a way, the Primary intention is the “channel” through which we reach our Secondary intention.
When you meet a salesperson who obviously wants something From you, how interested will you be in opening yourself and creating a true relationship with that person?
How would that be different if that salesperson conveys that they are alright regardless of your buying decision? Moreover, not only they are alright, but they are so genuinely detached of that outcome that they afford to take their time to learn about you as a person, to be curious about you as a human being. And, if they were to graciously ask you if you want to know about their product, how much more open will you be to say Yes to that, knowing that you can trust them for not using any “tactics” to “make you buy”?

Brian Tracy (or Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi?) said somewhere that we achieve the most important things in life by focusing on something else – for instance, we find happiness by doing something we love…

Next time you enter a sales interaction, Choose Connection as your Main intention and BE that person… This doesn’t mean that you don’t want them to buy, only that it would be Secondary to you. The more genuine the Connection (and your non-attachment to the outcome), the more likely they will trust you and will actually Listen to you when you’ll be talking about your Secondary intention.

How to “create a Connection”?

I think of a relationship the same way as I think of a flower. How can you “create” a flower? A flower “happens” when you remove the restrictions that prevent it from “happening”. The presupposition is that the flower “wants” to grow and you can only facilitate the conditions for it to grow, all by itself, by removing the hindrances.
You don’t “build” a relationship by using a hammer and nails, but by planting a seed and creating the conditions for that seed to emerge on its own.

The same goes for love.

Yes, I agree, you could labor a relationship using superficial appearances and acting as to make-believe. But this would be superficial. Superficial is also insubstantial, and a relationship that’s not based on substance is not a real relationship.